F said...

Let's take your last point first. I'm not questioning that women per se have done a lot to attack sexual harassment. I'm questioning your claim that women who don't talk about it have done a lot to attack sexual harassment. My point is that talking about it is the only way to attack the problem. So if you're not doing that, then you're not doing anything for it. I'm sure there are plenty of women out there who are doing tons of good work to attack sexual harassment. I'm suggesting that those are precisely the women who are blogging about it as well.

Second, the point about women's reticence is not about BNP or bloggers. I'm not generalising from that. I'm claiming that women don't talk about it based on personal evidence from outside the blogosphere. How many women do you know who have talked about all these incidents of sexual harassment they've suffered to their male friends? Maybe I'm wrong and most women talk openly about these incidents to men. Let me know if you think that's true.

Incidentally, that point holds more generally. Part of why I think the BNP was such a good initiative was because I think a large part of the problem is that women don't talk about this enough, even to other women. And how do you help a victim who won't come out and say that she's been harassed?

Men being apathetic: I'm not saying that all men care. I'm saying only that the number of men who do care is probably a lot larger than it seems because a large proportion of those who do care aren't given the opportunity to share in the problem.

Also, let me say this for the third (fourth?) time - I'm NOT SAYING that men aren't at fault. I'm saying that it's counter-productive to say 'oh, men are at fault, so it's okay for a large number of women to do nothing about it'. That may be 'fair' in some obscure way, but it's neither pragmatic or practical. If you want to climb on your high horse and say you'd rather wait till men get together and make sexual harassment go away because it's their fault, that's fine. Let me know how that strategy works for you. I'm not interested in what's fair. I'm interested in what will work.

And that brings me back to what I think is the key difference of opinion between us. I'm not interested in whether it's right or wrong for a woman not to speak out about this. Sure, women have the right to react in their own way. Sure, if you don't feel comfortable blogging about it, you shouldn't. Just as long as you recognise that by staying within your comfort zone you're significantly lowering the chances of the problem ever going away. You say you stopped reading the BNP posts because it made you uncomfortable. That's your prerogative. But if everyone reacts the way you did, if we can't find people who have the stomach to hear the truth spoken, let alone do something about it, then sexual harassment is here to stay. Period. That doesn't mean I'm blaming anyone. People have the right to do what they're comfortable with. I'm just upset by the fact that that level of discomfort means that we're not going to find a solution.

P.S. I have to say I'm a little surprised that you're taking the stand on this that you're taking. I thought the point you made on your post for BNP was the right one - that men need to take a more active role AND that women need to be more supportive of each other (if memory serves, the phrase you used was less bitchy). I agree with that entirely. I just fail to see why you feel the need to connect those two points. They have, as far as I can see, nothing to do with each other. If more men were sensitive to these issues, would that mean that women wouldn't need to speak out against it? The issue of why more women aren't speaking out is, to my mind, still an important one. You can claim that it's LESS important than men becoming involved. It probably is. But that's like saying it's less important to avoid getting shot than getting knifed. Either way you've got a problem, so the relative importance is irrelevant.

Let me put it this way: If I agree to put up a post castigating men for not taking notice of this problem enough, will you then agree that women not blogging is an issue?